Print This PostGive me an undivided heart, LORD
I’ll never forget the day I found out that my heart was not whole. It was early in the morning. I was sitting on a park bench. The sun was rising in the eastern sky of central Pennsylvania. The only thing that marred the view was two rows of concertina-topped fences patrolled by armed guards. I was in prison, yet I was free.
I was reading in the Psalms. For years I read five Psalms and one Proverb every day. Today was the 18th day of the month and that meant I was reading Psalm 86. Everything was going fine until I got to verse 11. It was like a voice in my head screaming STOP! Go back! Read that again! What are you saying, Lord? Is my heart divided? What does that mean and what does it look like? These questions and others were the focus of my heart and mind for a long time. I don’t know if I have it all figured out, but I heard God telling me a couple of things.
One is that I have a propensity to compartmentalize life. Work, family, church, recreation, finances, friends; you name it, I can find a folder to put it in. That makes it easy to find and manage, but it doesn’t make for a whole and holy heart. The version of the Bible I was reading at the time was the NIV. I usually carried that along with the New American Standard and King James. I would compare the three to get a clearer sense of what the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me. The King James and NASB ask God to “unite” our hearts. Either way you look at it, the author, David, seems to be saying to God, “my heart is broken, fragmented, scattered. Put me back together, that I may fear your name”.
That day marks the day that I started on the journey of the heart I am still on today. Even though I have taken a few time-outs and detours along the way, the centrality of the heart is still key in my life. I still struggle with a divided heart. How easy it is to get caught up in something exciting and new and completely miss the fact that I am trying to live without surrendering to God what is already His. I am not the master of my fate, the captain of my ship, the author of my life. I was made to “glorify God and enjoy Him forever”, as the authors of the Westminster Shorter Catechism described the “chief end or purpose of man”.
When the Pharisees were testing Jesus after he had shut the Sadducees up, they asked Him what the greatest commandment was. After replying with the Shema, “Hear, O Israel, the Lord your God is one”, He continued with His command to” love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength”. The heart is first. And we are to love the Lord with ALL our hearts, not part of our heart.
As I recognize some of the warning signs of a divided heart like restlessness, boredom, anger, depression, too much time on the internet, lack of joy and peace, it reminds me that God wants all of my heart, restless and bored, or excited and energized. When I take the time to focus my thoughts on how good and gracious God is to me and the ones I love, right now, I can feel my heart being united. The threads of my life that seem like a messy knot to me are the very threads that bind me to God. Rather than trying to get all the cords untangled, I just need to be aware that God has the other end of the thread and is trying to weave something that will be for my good and His glory.
A lot has happened in the past two weeks. I started a new job and I am learning the ropes of a new software program AND how to adjust my life to being employed full-time again for the first time in thirteen months. All these changes, as good as they may be, can cause me to feel fragmented and torn. That’s why I haven’t written for over two weeks. Too busy, or too tired, or too ……! Whatever!
Next Thursday I leave for four days in Colorado at John Eldredge’s Wild at Heart Boot Camp. His book, Wild at Heart, along with my study of the heart in prison, resonated in the depths of my soul. I finally am able to go to Boot Camp because of a loving God and the financial support of people in my life who believe my heart is valuable. THANK YOU! I will report back when I return. Until then, think about what God has to say to you about your heart.
“UNITED WE STAND. DIVIDED WE FALL”.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
As always, Harv, I love your honesty. I know you’ll come back on fire after boot camp. Can’t wait to read your “post-camp post.”
September 25th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Good stuff Harvey. I needed to hear some of this tonight. Oh, how I hate having a divided (and sometimes unclean) heart!
I cannot wait to hear how your time in CO goes.
Godspeed!
September 25th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
So glad you get to go to boot camp. I know God will bless that time. Thank you for reminding me about my all too often divided heart. Love you Harvey…
September 26th, 2008 at 8:20 am
Harvey
division can work on every part of our (my) being;—eg. right now we think we can run the country just fine without God thank you—just like you I need help everyday to stay together and I need to remember that God “in Christ” is my glue
September 26th, 2008 at 8:33 am
Excellent word. Some of the saints have called it simplicity of heart. I need it – badly. Without it, everything and every place is a cluttered mess…can’t even find the folder.
Go to boot camp with an open heart, brother, and just let Father heal it and fill it. Yes, Godspeed on this leg of your journey.
September 26th, 2008 at 10:47 am
I really like how you think, and how well you express those thoughts to others. Keep letting the Holy Spirit speak words of life through you!
September 26th, 2008 at 11:16 am
What an awesome message. Thanks! It was worth 2 weeks of waiting and I know you have been really busy! I am so excited for you to be going to CO and can’t wait to hear all about your experience…probably life altering in some ways. You deserve this.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:55 am
HARV,
I’VE FOUND THE ONLY WAY TO AN UNDIVIDED HEART IS TO FIRST SURRENDER THIS SELFISH SELF TO GOD AND THEN FOLLOW DAILY THE PURPOSE HE HAS FOR YOUR LIFE. THAT I HAVE FOUND FREES ME OF WORRY (FUTURE), OR GUILT (PAST). NONE OR US DO IT PERFECTLY, BUT WHEN WE’RE ON GOD’S PLAN, THINGS JUST WORK OUT. I THINK YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT!