Print This PostNine days later and a dollar shorter
I was originally going to write this post on the 5th or 6th after returning from Colorado and Wild at Heart Boot Camp. Obviously, that plan was abandoned. Not that I didn’t want to write, or that I didn’t have something to say, but because life got in the way. Maybe a better way to phrase that is to say that living got in the way of life. Know what I mean? All the demands of time and energy and emotion and… Before I know it, the things that I love doing, that enlarge my heart, that make me feel the pleasure of God, have been pushed aside for the tasks that it seems will never end. With that said, here I am, having proccessed what happened in Colorado a week and a half ago, ready to write.
My last morning there I got up about 6 to watch another beautiful sunrise. As I sat inside looking out at the valley below and the mountains beyond, I penned these thoughts in my journal.
Oct 5, 2008. 7:05am. Frontier Ranch, Colorado.
“Outside, the clouds are playing chords of silent music, building and diminishing, allowing the light of the rising sun to slowly make it’s way through. The sky here is like a canvas on which a playful child is allowed to build a sky with unlimited resources at his disposal. God is extravagantly wasteful.”
After I wrote these words I had to take a moment to think and wonder why I had put it that way. The realization started to sink in that I was coming to fully believe that statement. His love and affection toward me, towards all of us, IS extravagant and wasteful. He has so much love that we can’t measure it or contain it. There is a limitless supply for us, and towards us. To a world where we ration our approval, dole out “atta-boys”, and make sure we don’t go overboard with unconditional love, the “extravagantly wasteful” love of God is almost unbelievable, let alone experienced.
I want you to believe with me, alongside me, that God is offering us so much more than we are experiencing. Maybe, when we are pierced by beauty, we are sensing what it might have been like before the Fall. Our hearts know we are made for so much more. C.S. Lewis says it like this, “If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” So, if this is true, and I believe it is, then how do I experience this love, this immortal meaning that I have been searching for all my life? Maybe, by believing. Believing that when Jesus said that He came to give me life, He meant the life that He lived on this earth. Open, honest, no agenda other than the one set forth from eternity past. To seek and to save that which was lost. I am lost without a snowball’s chance in hell without the redeeming, restoring, lavish love of Jesus.
Lest anyone think I am preaching a gospel of grace without truth, let me set your mind at ease. I am a recovering alcoholic, a grateful recovering alcoholic that knows what it is like to not be able to look in the mirror without flinching. I remember the pain of not being honest with myself, or you, or God. Tomorrow night, at my home group in Finksburg, I will celebrate 2 years of sobriety. 730 twenty-four days without a drink. When I came into the rooms of AA, they told me it didn’t have to be like this. That it was not a stop drinking program, it was a start living program. That’s what I was looking for. Life. What Jesus came to give me, you, our neighbors, and our enemies. Life. Growing up in the church that had it’s lists, depending on the religious spirit of the day to keep us in line, I never heard, or believed, that the offer was life. Today, my theology is colored by a belief in a God that says this isn’t a stop sinning program, it’s a start living program! Can I get an AMEN, anybody?
I am an unfinished man. It is not up to me how I will look when God is done with me. That is God’s job. It is my job and my pleasure to seek life. His life.
I want to express my affection and gratitude to you lovely-hearts that made it possible for me to go to Wild at Heart, and for those of you who prayed me through it. I can’t wait to show you what I felt in my heart in the transparent and joy-filled future we call Heaven.
From my heart to yours,
-Harv
October 15th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
AMEN Harvey! Much of what is and has been “preached” in our day and age is focused on trying to contain the flesh with the flesh, rather than living in the Spirit. However, scripture is clear that focusing on the flesh is futile:
“For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so…” Rom. 8:6-7
So rather than focusing on how to avoid sin, we need to focus on encountering Jesus, or rather dwelling on him (Jn 15:5). That’s the only way to experience life. All else leads to death – even if our intent is to avoid sin. Jesus didn’t die so we could stay away from sin, but so that we could be near to him and his father!
Thanks for writing! Keep it coming!
October 16th, 2008 at 5:59 am
Amen! Congrats on your 2 years! You’ve come a long way BABY! Sorry I won’t be there tonight! As Bernie said…”Keep doing the next right thing and you won’t go wrong!” Have a a Blessed Day!
October 16th, 2008 at 9:16 am
Harvey–I really appreciated your comments and poetic journal entry. It’s exciting to see God at work in your life! -John F.
October 16th, 2008 at 9:19 am
Good job, Harvey! I get what you’re saying but still subscribe to the fact that in God’s economy NOTHING is wasted. Not suffering, not heartache, not grace. Have a great celebration and remember from whence you came – keeping the hope alive for what He has in store! Love you
October 16th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Isn’t it awesome how the exquisite beauty of nature can bring us to our knees at times with a need to experience something deeper than we normally live, and to want to live from that elusive place for ever. It creates a lump in my throat just thinking about it. I’m so glad you had the chance to experience WAH in all it’s glory at a deep level. Thanks for sharing some of your thoughts and congratulations on 2 YEARS of sobriety! WOO-HOO! God is truly working in your life. Love you, Rho
October 16th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
AMEN, and AMEN!
October 20th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Harv,
…just returned from a mission trip to Cedar Rapids gutting out and repairing the flood ravaged victims from the largely unreported June 20th flood. So I’m a little bit behind in catching up on the emails. Must say I didn’t miss not having any news all week…no TV, no papers, no radio!
As I read your blog, I came to the words, ‘extravagantly wasteful’ and paused…two words which mean the same thing. We are wasteful when we are extravangent. I don’t think this is in the vain you meant but would have to agree with Deb that God is always extravagent with his love but never wasteful…It is us weak humans who squander and waste his precious love and gifts to us. Yes, we don’t even acknowledge the grace and mercy he’s given us. Indeed, it is Jesus who is extravagent in his grace to us. Wasteful…nada!
BobC
PS Don’t you just love Monday morning QBs? Good job on the blog, keep it up!